We are watching a movie and it stirred a thought.
In my Christian journey early on I struggled with the idea that the God I loved and whorshiped would allow children to be abused, tortured and hurt.
However, I came to accept it was not for me to understand only to accept what was.
This movie reminds me, that when mankind turned against God and rose up against him and made himself the one whom to worship and God sent his wrath upon man it included all mankind, no one was excluded, not even the innocent. It is up to the adults and the leaders to kneel in prayer and return to the grace of God so that all are redeemed and returned to God's favor.
When I choose to have my children, I knew deep in my soul, there was no excuse for me when I stood before God, if I was not the mother to the children he in trusted to me, I should be. And it was only through seeking him and allowing his blessing to heal my pain and shortcomings that it could be, regardless of the cost to me.
As with any child we have moments of rebellion and selfishness, of hurt and anger and I have had my moments with that toward my God, but he knows my true heart that he will always be my father and my love and honor for him will only grow stronger and I grow wiser.
May we all seek his love and grace through prayer, not for our self, but for all of mankind. May we love as Jesus taught us to love so that those we meet will see the true spirit of love.
We love with a knowledge of what a man can become not who he is in his sin, that is love that includes the ability to move mountains and change hearts and save souls.
Thank you Father for insight and the ability to share your love
07 August 2010
15 July 2010
Morning Time
I lived with a wall most of my life, always watching and attentive to the bad, weather it came in the way of intentions of character or action. I was armed for battle. However, my soul is longing to be free, not to be in the fight or flight mode.
I have learned to move backwards, to turn and walk in the other direction of the bad, I was not put on earth to fix it, to think about it, to spend my time stressing over it. If I cannot do anything about it, control it change it, then I move away from it, and hope and pray that the source of the bad is moved to find the good in themselves and put that forth for others to see and feel.
The sunrise and butterflies have given me much to say my thanks for today, so I give back to my God, today, my soul, my laughter, my love, that he may use it to glorify him self.
Annie
14 July 2010
VOWS Forever and a Day
Recently I have been blessed with growth in regards to relationships, partners, spouces. It has come after years and years of struggle, mistakes and a very diffulcult foundation (childhood examples, pain and so on). In fact until now no matter how I yerned for this it was not possible, until some things were healed, removed, done...For now I will end this but will add more later.
Vows...so much more to a few minutes and much more important than all the preparation it takes to get to say them. I recently heard someone say, we spend more time preparing for our weddings than we do our marriage. WOW! Like child rearing there are no handbooks, well unless you take into account all the books out there that people seek out only after there are problems. And of course we have (like parenting) what we grew up with, and sometimes that is not such a good thing.
Do you remember your vows, the words, the meaning, the commitment? The man or women you stood infront of and said those words to? Or were they just a small part of the show, the event? Did you ponder and consider the words you were going to say to this person, the promise you making? Did you believe the passion, the love the feelings you had for that person would take you through anything that came your way? Did you have an ideal of what "marriage" "love" should look like?
You found the person that understood you better than anyone has, someone you want to raise a family with, build a home, a future. Someone who would be a witness to your life?
I have been so blessed, even in the dark days when my growth was at its strongest, I have always had a way to find the light. In this I have found the truest meaning of committing and falling in love and sharing my life with someone, forever and a day.
Vows...so much more to a few minutes and much more important than all the preparation it takes to get to say them. I recently heard someone say, we spend more time preparing for our weddings than we do our marriage. WOW! Like child rearing there are no handbooks, well unless you take into account all the books out there that people seek out only after there are problems. And of course we have (like parenting) what we grew up with, and sometimes that is not such a good thing.
Do you remember your vows, the words, the meaning, the commitment? The man or women you stood infront of and said those words to? Or were they just a small part of the show, the event? Did you ponder and consider the words you were going to say to this person, the promise you making? Did you believe the passion, the love the feelings you had for that person would take you through anything that came your way? Did you have an ideal of what "marriage" "love" should look like?
You found the person that understood you better than anyone has, someone you want to raise a family with, build a home, a future. Someone who would be a witness to your life?
I have been so blessed, even in the dark days when my growth was at its strongest, I have always had a way to find the light. In this I have found the truest meaning of committing and falling in love and sharing my life with someone, forever and a day.
Thoughts To Ponder
The mind is like a magnet. It attracts what it thinks about most, the stronger the thoughts the stronger the attraction. If you want to heal yourself, or develop any positive quality, it is very important for you to make a clear decision that this is what you are going to do. As you hold this thought in your mind with the definite belief, and knowingness that you will achieve your result, you will attract to yourself all the resources and people you need to create the results you want.
Regardless of the life situation you find yourself in, it is possible for you to improve yourself and your life in a most definite way
Here is a law of the mind, a law of life that is very important to understand. Definiteness of purpose, sustained over time always produces results. Think about that! It always produces results! This is the most important concept you can focus on in terms of personal healing and accomplishment. If you want to heal, you need to form this into a definite purpose and pursue it with a passion and stay with it until you are healed.
Regardless of the life situation you find yourself in, it is possible for you to improve yourself and your life in a most definite way
Here is a law of the mind, a law of life that is very important to understand. Definiteness of purpose, sustained over time always produces results. Think about that! It always produces results! This is the most important concept you can focus on in terms of personal healing and accomplishment. If you want to heal, you need to form this into a definite purpose and pursue it with a passion and stay with it until you are healed.
13 July 2010
Oswald Chambers
WOW~ is all I can say. While raising children he was my light my strength. I remember when I first found the love of Christ, I was 18. Over the years I found a relationship with Jesus and God that changed my life. On that journey Oswald Chambers was the food and foundation of what I wanted. He loved God with all of his heart and soul and he saw and knew the "fake" Christian. You know the one who knows all the right things to say, the one who lives what others expect but yet never really changes. The one who makes the comments, that is just the way I am? They gossip, and degrade others to make themselves look good. Have no compassion or real understanding of how God works. In his writings he challenges the Christians. He writes from the heart of the Spirit.
If you ever read the Bible, which I have four times and have chapter by chapter summaries, you know God will not do and behave the way you want him to, and some of the things he does will not fit into the box of the "Christian" point of view or expectations. God will not and never has worked in the way man can glorify themselves. And today, in most of society that is what they want, to be praised, to be honored, to be lifted up and others to say, look at them..wooooo,
My life has never been a wooo by others. In 1988 I found myself at the top of the "christian" mountain. I was living the life by the standards the wordily "christian" would approve of and say woohoo she is amazing. Forgiveness, love, understanding was my heart. I belonged to a wonderful church that had so much substance and place in the community, like SEC here in Louisville. I wrote a book, was a key note speaker at women's retreats, I was there. And my prayer, in the darkness in the private of my life was...not my glory but yours. I was so fearful of wanting and doing for my own glory. And then he answered and gave me a road along the valley, to see and to feel and to grow. Although from the outside looking in from the eyes of "Christians" who really had no understanding of the works of God I was not living in his grace, but I was. I was in his grace just as Jesus was when the Godly of that day called him names and hung him on the cross.
And to this day I will defend my God to those ppl, who claim him, yet do not know him. Who use him to glorify themselves.
And he brought me to today, he did not will all that has gone on, but he is always using our shortcomings to glorify himself. The one thing I think I love the most about my Father is that even when I am mad at him, when I do not understand his will his love his tough love he LOVES me none the same. He welcomes me back with open arms and a warm safe place to rest.
He knows when he created me, I don't live in a box, I don't live by the standards of men, I don't conform, which I wish at times I did. Would I not be human to want to be loved and adored by man. To be honored and praised? Would that not fit the ego in which I have upon birth?
If I gave into that, if that was important to me, then I would not be who Iam, I would not have been able to come through all the torment and abuse I have. I would not be able to love and forgive as I have. Or grow and heal.
Yes, there are days, I want to say, look at me, look at what I have done, and someone say, she is like that because....but that day will never be. I own who I am, and who I am growing to be. God is my Father, and he is the God of all my heart. No matter the box others live in or hold me to those standards, they will never degrade my God to their level. Never be able to convince me they know his will. As long as they seek to be held up in honor over him, as long as they seek to judge others with contempt and gossip, as long as they use others to make them self appear greater.....
Breath, today, for that is all there is, do not worry about the clothes you wear, or the food you eat, for your Father will provide, Always.
I love you Father, forever and ever.
Annie
If you ever read the Bible, which I have four times and have chapter by chapter summaries, you know God will not do and behave the way you want him to, and some of the things he does will not fit into the box of the "Christian" point of view or expectations. God will not and never has worked in the way man can glorify themselves. And today, in most of society that is what they want, to be praised, to be honored, to be lifted up and others to say, look at them..wooooo,
My life has never been a wooo by others. In 1988 I found myself at the top of the "christian" mountain. I was living the life by the standards the wordily "christian" would approve of and say woohoo she is amazing. Forgiveness, love, understanding was my heart. I belonged to a wonderful church that had so much substance and place in the community, like SEC here in Louisville. I wrote a book, was a key note speaker at women's retreats, I was there. And my prayer, in the darkness in the private of my life was...not my glory but yours. I was so fearful of wanting and doing for my own glory. And then he answered and gave me a road along the valley, to see and to feel and to grow. Although from the outside looking in from the eyes of "Christians" who really had no understanding of the works of God I was not living in his grace, but I was. I was in his grace just as Jesus was when the Godly of that day called him names and hung him on the cross.
And to this day I will defend my God to those ppl, who claim him, yet do not know him. Who use him to glorify themselves.
And he brought me to today, he did not will all that has gone on, but he is always using our shortcomings to glorify himself. The one thing I think I love the most about my Father is that even when I am mad at him, when I do not understand his will his love his tough love he LOVES me none the same. He welcomes me back with open arms and a warm safe place to rest.
He knows when he created me, I don't live in a box, I don't live by the standards of men, I don't conform, which I wish at times I did. Would I not be human to want to be loved and adored by man. To be honored and praised? Would that not fit the ego in which I have upon birth?
If I gave into that, if that was important to me, then I would not be who Iam, I would not have been able to come through all the torment and abuse I have. I would not be able to love and forgive as I have. Or grow and heal.
Yes, there are days, I want to say, look at me, look at what I have done, and someone say, she is like that because....but that day will never be. I own who I am, and who I am growing to be. God is my Father, and he is the God of all my heart. No matter the box others live in or hold me to those standards, they will never degrade my God to their level. Never be able to convince me they know his will. As long as they seek to be held up in honor over him, as long as they seek to judge others with contempt and gossip, as long as they use others to make them self appear greater.....
Breath, today, for that is all there is, do not worry about the clothes you wear, or the food you eat, for your Father will provide, Always.
I love you Father, forever and ever.
Annie
12 July 2010
Dear Father
My Father, who art in Heaven and Earth, I humbly ask for your grace and love to be bestowed upon this person I know. This person struggles within his mind. The perception of what he sees and feels is distorted and creates fear that keeps him from enjoying life and moving forward. While I have done everything I can possibly do I know there is only one source that he can draw from to overcome this pain, and that is by your grace. He knows you, yet his frustration and pain have created a wall of separation from everyone and everything, including his faith.
I do not pretend to know how you will work this healing out or who you will use, but I trust you can and will. Because he is your son, a child whom you created to glorify your name and to do your will. I lift him up to you, release him to your care and ask Father if there is more for me to do, you give me the wisdom and tools to, I ask for humility not to "think" I know, not to take this into my own hands, and to know if there is nothing I can do but pray, to seek and bring this to you.
From the moment I knew you, until this day, I have ask for your will to be worked out through my life, and it not be to my glory but to yours, and I truly believe this has been and always will be the case.
While others look upon me with an expectation of what they "should" see, I know, you know my heart.
And I know the mistakes I have made, the path I have turned wrong on, and I have and always will seek your grace and forgiveness, and just as I love my children with every breath I take, I know you love me even more. So I know when I seek and ask of you something that is in your will you will be there.
So I end this with a thank you and my heart gives you praise honor and glory for you give in love and grace. I am your daughter always - and I give you thanks and praise for all the gifts of this world, the beauty hidden in everyday things, and the hearts of love and kindness that are all around.
Forever your child, forever will I defend your name, forever will I stay outside of the box, that hinders the glory to be yours.
I do not pretend to know how you will work this healing out or who you will use, but I trust you can and will. Because he is your son, a child whom you created to glorify your name and to do your will. I lift him up to you, release him to your care and ask Father if there is more for me to do, you give me the wisdom and tools to, I ask for humility not to "think" I know, not to take this into my own hands, and to know if there is nothing I can do but pray, to seek and bring this to you.
From the moment I knew you, until this day, I have ask for your will to be worked out through my life, and it not be to my glory but to yours, and I truly believe this has been and always will be the case.
While others look upon me with an expectation of what they "should" see, I know, you know my heart.
And I know the mistakes I have made, the path I have turned wrong on, and I have and always will seek your grace and forgiveness, and just as I love my children with every breath I take, I know you love me even more. So I know when I seek and ask of you something that is in your will you will be there.
So I end this with a thank you and my heart gives you praise honor and glory for you give in love and grace. I am your daughter always - and I give you thanks and praise for all the gifts of this world, the beauty hidden in everyday things, and the hearts of love and kindness that are all around.
Forever your child, forever will I defend your name, forever will I stay outside of the box, that hinders the glory to be yours.
05 July 2010
Things
I was watching a movie last night and for some reason my attention was drawn to the things hanging on the wall of this persons house. Pictures, nick nacks and such, and I started wondering why we do this? Why do we hang random things on our walls that basicly have no meaning to us other than it is nice to look at. But then I thought for how long, is it nice to look at? At what point do we quit seeing it?
I had also considered this very thing in realtionships. While watching a show about divorce the thought crossed my mind how we may at some point stop "Seeing our partner" I mean really see them. Like we did when we were first attracted to them, you know kinda of like when we see somthing and hang it on the wall. We stop and really look at it as we pass, we know it is there and we enjoy it, the feeling it gives us. Until we have to dust it, then it is not so much fun to look at, we see the dust.
So we look for a new thing to hang on the wall, to recreate the feeling of joy. So we end up with lots of things haning on our walls, until one day, we say, I am going to redecorate and start all over. These things are out of date and boring, the color scheme dosent work for me any more....reason after reason we use to change up but all we really want is that feeling. Because we stopped looking.
It gave me pause to look around my house, to really look at what is hanging on the walls, sitting on the tables, to really look at it, to find the joy it gave me when I placed it there. And to clean house a bit, to remove the things that are just things, and to have items that have a value besides pleasing my eyes.
It also reminds me to look at my husband, to "See" him and all the wonderful things about him. I am so thankful for those momemts of insight, that keep me in the present, keep my eyes from wanting and lusting after things.......there is so much joy in 'seeing" and having a purpose a deeper meaning for what we claim in our lives.
I had also considered this very thing in realtionships. While watching a show about divorce the thought crossed my mind how we may at some point stop "Seeing our partner" I mean really see them. Like we did when we were first attracted to them, you know kinda of like when we see somthing and hang it on the wall. We stop and really look at it as we pass, we know it is there and we enjoy it, the feeling it gives us. Until we have to dust it, then it is not so much fun to look at, we see the dust.
So we look for a new thing to hang on the wall, to recreate the feeling of joy. So we end up with lots of things haning on our walls, until one day, we say, I am going to redecorate and start all over. These things are out of date and boring, the color scheme dosent work for me any more....reason after reason we use to change up but all we really want is that feeling. Because we stopped looking.
It gave me pause to look around my house, to really look at what is hanging on the walls, sitting on the tables, to really look at it, to find the joy it gave me when I placed it there. And to clean house a bit, to remove the things that are just things, and to have items that have a value besides pleasing my eyes.
It also reminds me to look at my husband, to "See" him and all the wonderful things about him. I am so thankful for those momemts of insight, that keep me in the present, keep my eyes from wanting and lusting after things.......there is so much joy in 'seeing" and having a purpose a deeper meaning for what we claim in our lives.
18 June 2010
Welcome! I am so glad you came :)
Right now I am just glad to have the formatting done on this, for now anyway. If you know me, you know it will change. Looking at other peoples blogs intrigues me, they look so wonderful. I want to learn how to do that. So if you know, share with me.
Thank you for visiting, come back often, I hope to make you laugh, smile, cry, and say oh!
Always,
Annie
Thank you for visiting, come back often, I hope to make you laugh, smile, cry, and say oh!
Always,
Annie
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