Oswald Chambers

WOW~ is all I can say. While raising children he was my light my strength. I remember when I first found the love of Christ, I was 18. Over the years I found a relationship with Jesus and God that changed my life. On that journey Oswald Chambers was the food and foundation of what I wanted. He loved God with all of his heart and soul and he saw and knew the "fake" Christian. You know the one who knows all the right things to say, the one who lives what others expect but yet never really changes. The one who makes the comments, that is just the way I am? They gossip, and degrade others to make themselves look good. Have no compassion or real understanding of how God works. In his writings he challenges the Christians. He writes from the heart of the Spirit.
If you ever read the Bible, which I have four times and have chapter by chapter summaries, you know God will not do and behave the way you want him to, and some of the things he does will not fit into the box of the "Christian" point of view or expectations. God will not and never has worked in the way man can glorify themselves. And today, in most of society that is what they want, to be praised, to be honored, to be lifted up and others to say, look at them..wooooo,
My life has never been a wooo by others. In 1988 I found myself at the top of the "christian" mountain. I was living the life by the standards the wordily "christian" would approve of and say woohoo she is amazing. Forgiveness, love, understanding was my heart. I belonged to a wonderful church that had so much substance and place in the community, like SEC here in Louisville. I wrote a book, was a key note speaker at women's retreats, I was there. And my prayer, in the darkness in the private of my life was...not my glory but yours. I was so fearful of wanting and doing for my own glory. And then he answered and gave me a road along the valley, to see and to feel and to grow. Although from the outside looking in from the eyes of "Christians" who really had no understanding of the works of God I was not living in his grace, but I was. I was in his grace just as Jesus was when the Godly of that day called him names and hung him on the cross.
 
And to this day I will defend my God to those ppl, who claim him, yet do not know him. Who use him to glorify themselves.
 
And he brought me to today, he did not will all that has gone on, but he is always using our shortcomings to glorify himself. The one thing I think I love the most about  my Father is that even when I am mad at him, when I do not understand his will his love his tough love he LOVES me none the same. He welcomes me back with open arms and a warm safe place to rest.
 
He knows when he created me, I don't live in a box, I don't live by the standards of men, I don't conform, which I wish at times I did. Would I not be human to want to be loved and adored by man. To be honored and praised? Would that not fit the ego in which I have upon birth?
 
If I gave into that, if that was important to me, then I would not be who Iam, I would not have been able to come through all the torment and abuse I have. I would not be able to love and forgive as I have. Or grow and heal.
 
Yes, there are days, I want to say, look at me, look at what I have done, and someone say, she is like that because....but that day will never be. I own who I am, and who I am growing  to be. God is my Father, and he is the God of all my heart. No matter the box others live in or hold me to those standards, they will never degrade my God to their level. Never be able to convince me they know his will. As long as they seek to be held up in honor over him, as long as they seek to judge others with contempt and gossip, as long as they use others to make them self appear greater.....
 
Breath, today, for that is all there is, do not worry about the clothes you wear, or the food you eat, for your Father will provide, Always.
 
I love you Father, forever and ever.
Annie